Music Banter

Pitchfork seem to think this piece of news makes perfect sense, but I really can’t let this one pass. Liam Gallagher is the producer on a film about the Beatles. Excuse me, what?

LIAM GALLAGHER is a film producer now. This Liam Gallagher:

What the hell?

Ok, the Beatles thing, makes sense, I get it, but seriously, Liam Gallagher, in charge of money. Liam Gallagher, hiring actors and setting budgets, running production meetings and being the behind-the-scenes genius behind a film. Liam Gallagher? Monobrow caveman frontman of Oasis, the most famously thuggish band of rockstars in the last twenty years?

Fucking hell. Times have changed.

Surely this can’t be true. The man’s a cartoon neanderthal. A lumbering, monosyllabic chimp of a man. Can you imagine being in a production meeting with him? I can’t imagine that there’d be much talking being done. Just menacing stares and demands that people ‘fooking get on with it, yeah?’

I guess if you’re incredibly rich and a bit intimidating, then you get to indulge in vanity projects like this. Plus, since Oasis split there isn’t really much else he can do. He’s already spent the best part of two decades creating a pale image of the Beatles, why not carry on in a different medium?

I suppose if Adam Sandler and cuddly alcoholic Jew-hater Mel Gibson can be producers, then it’s only fair to let Liam have a go. After all, maybe I’m being harsh and snobbish, looking down on a working class lad made good, incapable of believing a football fan could be intelligent and talented.

Bollocks to that. I know plenty of laddish football fans. I have no problem with believing that they are intelligent and talented. I do have a problem with believing that Liam Gallagher is intellgent and talented. After all, if even Peter Kay notices that you’re a bit of a knobhead, well, there’s something really wrong:

Plus, let’s be fair, I might be getting the wrong end of the stick here. Consider the fact this film is supposed to be based on Richard Dilello’s Beatles 1972 biopic ‘The Longest Cocktail Party.’ Are we really sure Liam Gallagher has read a book?

I don’t know why he’s doing this. Presumably to prove he’s got more to him than we, the sneering masses, understand. Screw that. You’ve just reached Ozzy Osbourne ‘I’m doing a musical about Rasputin’ territory. It’s embarrasing. Go home, Gallagher. Go get yourself a house, a very big house in the country and just bugger off.